How to Empower Others 1

Empowering Others

Session 1 / 5

Know Yourself

You might project yourself on the people you mentor.

3 Levels of Impact of Mentoring

  • Personal Impact - you understand yourself better.
  • Impacting Others
  • Cultural, national or global impact - if you scale up the mentoring.

Core Values and Beliefs

Albert Ellis' 13 Unhelpful Beliefs that people operate out of

  • I must do well and get the approval of everybody who matters to me or I will be a worthless person.
  • Other people must treat me kindly and how I want them to treat me or else they are bad.
  • I must have an easy, enjoyable life (without responsibilities) or I cannot enjoy living at all.
  • All the people who matter to me must love me and approve of everything that I say and do.
  • I must be a high achiever and succeed at everything I do, or I will be worthless.
  • Nobody should ever behave badly and if they do, I must condemn them.
  • I mustn't ever get angry or frustrated, and if I do, I am a bad person.
  • When things are tough and I am under pressure, I must be sad and there's nothing I can do about this.
  • When faced with the possibility of something unsafe or dangerous happening to me, I must obsess about it and make frantic efforts to avoid it.
  • I can avoid my responsibilities and dealing with life's difficulties and still be fulfilled.
  • My past is the most important part of my life and it will keep on dictating how I feel and what I do.
  • Everybody and everything should be better than they are and, if they're not, it's a bad thing.
  • I deserve to be happy by doing as little as possible and by just enjoying myself in life.

Variation on 12. People must not hurt my feelings and they must ensure I remain happy.

Security vs Freedom

Growth happens when you move between security towards freedom.

When can we empower others?

  1. Solving a challenge
  2. Achieving a goal
  3. Picking up a new skill

Learning Styles

  1. Visual

  2. Auditory

  3. Reading/Writing

  4. Kinesthetic

  5. Participating: Group learning

  6. Reflecting: You need to think to learn

  7. Structuring: You have to structure the info to process it

  8. Experimenting: You have to do to learn.

When teaching someone, don't force them to learn the way you like to learn.

Are you criticizing, advising, empathizing or searching?

  • Criticizing: Finding fault - "you should have"
  • Advising: Gives an advice - "you should try this"
  • Empathizing: Feeling what the person is feeling - "i feel sorry that you"
  • Searching: Questions - "what happened"

When mentoring, avoid criticizing or advising. People learn better when they figure out the solution themselves - hence advising might not be help. Ideally, Acknowledge and Empathize - then search.

Learning / Takeaways ...

  1. Structuring type of learning
  2. Don't force others to learn the way you like to learn
  3. Advising is not helpful when teaching.

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