How to Empower Others 1
Session 1 / 5
You might project yourself on the people you mentor.
3 Levels of Impact of Mentoring
- Personal Impact - you understand yourself better.
- Impacting Others
- Cultural, national or global impact - if you scale up the mentoring.
Core Values and Beliefs
Albert Ellis' 13 Unhelpful Beliefs that people operate out of
- I must do well and get the approval of everybody who matters to me or I will be a worthless person.
- Other people must treat me kindly and how I want them to treat me or else they are bad.
- I must have an easy, enjoyable life (without responsibilities) or I cannot enjoy living at all.
- All the people who matter to me must love me and approve of everything that I say and do.
- I must be a high achiever and succeed at everything I do, or I will be worthless.
- Nobody should ever behave badly and if they do, I must condemn them.
- I mustn't ever get angry or frustrated, and if I do, I am a bad person.
- When things are tough and I am under pressure, I must be sad and there's nothing I can do about this.
- When faced with the possibility of something unsafe or dangerous happening to me, I must obsess about it and make frantic efforts to avoid it.
- I can avoid my responsibilities and dealing with life's difficulties and still be fulfilled.
- My past is the most important part of my life and it will keep on dictating how I feel and what I do.
- Everybody and everything should be better than they are and, if they're not, it's a bad thing.
- I deserve to be happy by doing as little as possible and by just enjoying myself in life.
Variation on 12. People must not hurt my feelings and they must ensure I remain happy.
Security vs Freedom
Growth happens when you move between security towards freedom.
When can we empower others?
- Solving a challenge
- Achieving a goal
- Picking up a new skill
Participating: Group learning
Reflecting: You need to think to learn
Structuring: You have to structure the info to process it
Experimenting: You have to do to learn.
When teaching someone, don't force them to learn the way you like to learn.
Are you criticizing, advising, empathizing or searching?
- Criticizing: Finding fault - "you should have"
- Advising: Gives an advice - "you should try this"
- Empathizing: Feeling what the person is feeling - "i feel sorry that you"
- Searching: Questions - "what happened"
When mentoring, avoid criticizing or advising. People learn better when they figure out the solution themselves - hence advising might not be help. Ideally, Acknowledge and Empathize - then search.
Learning / Takeaways ...
- Structuring type of learning
- Don't force others to learn the way you like to learn
- Advising is not helpful when teaching.
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